another mattress for that pea?

I feel like I need to start over here. Is that even possible?

Let’s just skip to the basics.

Currently – Living in New York City. It’s been almost a month and I’m feeling pretty good about that.

So the fun part about having your furniture moved across country is that if they don’t manage to bring it all to you, you don’t have to pay them till they bring the missing piece(s). Because we only had a studio apartment worth of furniture, our stuff got grouped up with other peoples stuff and then shipped in a bigger truck. And somehow, our mattress – the one piece other than the couch that we were really looking forward to – ended up in Vermont of all places. They said they should get it back to us by the following week, but it’s been two weeks since they dropped off our stuff and the only word we’ve gotten on it has been very sheepish.

The weak silver lining here is that we haven’t had to pay them yet?

And then the super un-fun part of moving across the country, having the movers lose your mattress leaving you to sleep on an air mattress for 3+ weeks, is that EVENTUALLY an air mattress puncture will happen.

Fact of Life: Three plus weeks is too long to test fate with an air mattress.

And of course the puncture is always in some totally illogical (on the top) and absolutely impossible to see spot (in a corner of one of the divots), so you have to deflate, soak, and re-inflate the mattress to find the mysterious wound. Or just buy a new one.

Unfortunately I’m both stubborn and cheap. So guess who spent a few hours crawling around her bedroom soaked and angry? (Your Mom.)

TWICE.

Because if one hole happens, why not another one two days later?

Making a bed out of a glorified life raft for a month really tests a marriage, doesn’t it?

I should pester the movers again.

But at least there’s Fall here, right?

*highfivingamillionangels*

Since losing my Fitbit Flex a week and a half ago I can’t help but feel like every step I take is wasted. Where are my points?? I was hitting 10,000 to 15,000 steps per day. I mean, I still am walking to the grocery store and yoga and wherever, but I’m just not getting the numerical validation anymore.

What’s life without a high score?!?

To make up for his silly Canadian ‘maybe a Good Samaritan will return your fitbit to you’ idea, the husband suggested that I email Fitbit about how sad I am over losing my Flex band. Not a bad idea, but I wasn’t very optimistic about getting a positive response. I mean, people lose their shit all the time (literally and metaphorically!) how often can you pacify people before you just don’t care anymore? I’m not sure, but that didn’t really stop me from trying this past Saturday afternoon. I navigated the Fitbit website contact area and found the “message us about your problems” section and was sort of surprised to see that they had a category for ‘I lost my Fitbit’. I told them about losing my band (and my 14 miles of steps!!) in Yosemite and my husbands silly Canadian idea about Good Samaritans, and politely asked if anyone ever returned things to them. (Guess I’m still a bit Canadian too)

Sunday afternoon they emailed me back and said they were sorry to hear of my loss (how delightfully polite!) and how it would be very nice if my band made its way back to me some how. And then they asked for my info – name, address, product deets, and screenshots of original purchase – and said they would “evaluate [my] case on the information and may provide a replacement.

Well, that’s promising news!!

I sent the info Monday afternoon And they emailed me yesterday afternoon to tell me that my replacement was being processed and I would receive an email when it was shipped.

Holy cannoli!! THAT’S EVEN MOAR PROMISING NEWS!

And so I wait…

A million lolcats can’t be wrong!

A return to Yosemite!

This past weekend we, the husband and his buddy / former boss and myself, headed back to Yosemite Park, CA., to do another big mountain hike. This time we headed to do the Clouds Rest trail, which isn’t as tough as the Half Dome trail, but still long with lots of stone steps to climb.

The hike and mountain were beautiful as ever, the cedar smell was amazing, but the trip didn’t work out so great. For various reasons, such as:

1. We didn’t really know where to go to get to the trail head and when we asked for directions we were pointed towards the loooooong trail up to the summit. We wanted the direct 14 mile trail, not the 25!! So we took a long time to get to the correct spot after driving around semi-aimlessly. We didn’t get on the trail till almost 10:30AM and then had to turn around before the summit so we could get back to the car for the four hour drive back to the city.

2. We were also late to the trail head because we slept in and ended up leaving San Francisco 2 hours later than planned. Oops. 5 AM is the new 3 AM.

3. One of us was sick and was just starting to get over a bad cold with sort of streppy cough. And the trail was really dusty which didn’t help.

4. ARGH. I lost my Fitbit Flex wrist band on the trail. = Heartbreak! what will I do without my stats???!? It fell off my wrist when I was fiddling with my pack and “disappeared” by the time I made it back to the spot. Husband thinks that someone picked it up and will recognize that people pay a lot of money for the gear they take hiking and will try to find the owner. Hahah! Sometimes that man can be such a Canadian. I had a similar thought the time I lost my Pandora charm bracket in the women’s change room at the gym a few years ago – I had hoped that the person that “found” my bracelet would be thoughtful enough to recognize that something like that was clearly a gift, something special that should be returned to the owner. No dice, I never did get it back. And I don’t expect to get this bracelet back either.

5. Well, to be honest, the biggest reason for the poor trip was that we all went out drinking the night before. It’s pretty tough to get up and be out the door at 3AM when you don’t get to bed till after midnight.

We stopped for refueling In & Out double cheeseburgers and milkshakes on the way home. And cheeseburgers make things better. A million lolcats aren’t wrong!!

I guess we can only vow to make better plans for the next attempt at Clouds Rest trail. Perhaps spend the night before there?

Perhaps not go drinking the night before?

Bend it like Yogi.

I don’t think Yogi ever did yoga, but I’d hazard a guess that his fuzzy picnic basket thieving butt is more flexible than I am. There has to be some agility involved in besting a Park Ranger.

Anyways, I am nine yoga classes into my 20 passes, and thus far the best I can do is climb the wall to get into a handstand and cling to it with tippy-toes. That’s a skill, right? It looks much more impressive than the crow pose that I can pretzel my uncoordinated body into and balance on for a second or two, which actually counts as yoga.

I find it odd that I can lift all the weights in the gym and dead lift 1.7 times my body weight, but I can’t hold up my own body weight. It’s kind of discouraging actually. But there’s more to yoga than strength, right???! Flexibility and coordination??

Am I challenging or frustrating myself? Or both?

Maybe I should go find a picnic basket full of sandwiches and think about it.

Dodgy cable climb and all..

I find that I’m generally more interested in adding cardio to my workouts when I have a good book to read. I do weights in the morning, but I figure if I’m just sitting on the couch reading before dinner, I might as well be sitting on a bike peddling whilst turning pages instead. Now I’ve just tore through two books and I’m not sure what to read next! This past Friday I was at a Neil Gaiman reading/signing for his new novel and got a signed copy, but I find his work to not quite be mindless enough to make me forget how much my legs are burning while doing HIIT cardio on the bike. Well, that’s what Reddit is for, right?

Also this past weekend the husband and I got pulled along into taking a hike up to the top of Half Dome Peak in Yosemite Park, CA. What a wicked climb that was! And hot too! The temp hit about 106F. We saw lots of amazing views, crazy amounts of rock stairs and a slightly nerve wracking climb up some cables to reach the top. And then had to come all the way back down. After 13 hours of trekking we figured we were deserving of late night In N Out burgers and milkshakes. What a delicious cheat meal!

I have no carb regrets.

Monster Cookie Muffins.

I love muffins and I love cookies. So what did I do for carb day? I made cookie muffins. I started with ordinary gluten free cookie batter that came out wetter than I liked, so I added 1/2 a cup of fat free milk to the mix, poured it into a lined muffin pan and baked for 30 minutes at 325 degrees. Viola!! Chocolate chip cookie muffins that are denser than a real muffin.

Carry on with your weekend.

T-Rex never skips leg day at the gym.

Leg day: where I joyfully spend 45 minutes in the gym working my legs till they feel like over cooked spaghetti and then the rest of the day like a new born giraffe relearning to walk.

But then I fed my spaghetti legs some delicious breakfast!

Canadian bacon! (I feels so patriotic)
An over easy egg!
‘Pancakes’ made from an egg, a mashed banana, half a package of Quaker instant peaches & cream oatmeal, with cinnamon & vanilla & peanut butter to taste!
Sooo gooood.

I also finally got back to doing planks yesterday. I saw this picture on my Instagram feed and grabbed a screenshot so I would remember to get back at them. Yeah, I haven’t planked in over a year. So doing 3 sets of 1 minute was basically my body experiencing its own personal earthquake while the world was oblivious. I started thinking that I should be multitasking and also shaking up a jello instant pudding.

Must. Do. This. Weekly.

Unsurprisingly, this morning my abs hurt like a mofo and every time I laugh at an Internet joke I’m reminded that I should do more planks. Which aren’t funny at all.

Bah!

Weekend crime fighting suit is at the cleaners, so now what?

I’m not going to lie; my big weekend plans include such exciting things as hitting the theater for a viewing of The Rock’s new movie, Pain & Gain, and a heavy dead lifting session on Sunday followed by my cheat day plans of ALL THE CARBS. In the category of ‘ALL THE CARBS’ includes real pancakes instead of the ones I’ve been making from a mixture of a mashed banana and an egg. I mean, the pancakes will be as real as real can get when cooking gluten free. But trust me; these gluten free pancakes will be just as delicious as pancakes made from wheat, and probably even better. I have crafty plans for my Sunday baking, oh yes.

Speaking of the movie plans, the husband wants to bring protein shakes to see Pain & Gain since it’s about a crew of bodybuilders. I support this idea, but since they’re actually ‘juiced’ bodybuilders, maybe it might be more appropriate to bring some OJ?

Anyways, we got things to look forward to this fine weekend in the city. Actually, we should probably do some major mental chill-axing since we got our taxes finally filed. Woohoo! What an ordeal that was! Man, having to file both Canadian and American taxes is effing complicated. It’s a super good thing we’re getting a bitchin’ return, ‘cause I’m dreading to get the bill from our accountant. That part is decidedly not woohoo.

But otherwise, it’s been a fine week of staying on the diet plan and working hard in the gym. This morning I hit the weights for a shoulder day workout, and my weak T-Rex upper body is actually getting stronger. Maybe one day my bench press will be as impressive as my dead lift!

I’ve hit that sweet spot in low carb / high protein dieting where your body starts to actually crave protein shakes and they become –dare I say — tasty. It starts off as just that thing you *have* to do post weight workout at the gym to refeed your muscles, and then it becomes a snack that not only fits your diet but is surprisingly satisfying. It’s like a milkshake, but without the milk and sugar it’s a watery, vaguely chocolatey fakeshake. It sounds hella gross.. So why am I hankering for this crap?

It makes sense if you follow that way of thinking that your body craves what cures it. Though that only raises questions as to why my body craves Twizzlers Nibs, but I’d hazard a guess that those little red bastards make the part of me that’s perpetually 14 years old, happy.

Now what was once a resolved “brace yourself, chubby!!” and a grimacing chug and a shudder for a chaser, is now an almost enjoyable, “Mmmmm, I think I detect a coconutty undertone to this divinely nutritious chocolate protein shake!” And then the shaker cup is tossed in the sink like a touchdown spike, followed by a victory flex.

And sometimes a few happy air humps.

Dammit. Now I want Twizzlers to go with my movie date.

Call me, muffin.

It’s only week two of the new diet/workout plan, I’m down a couple pounds and a few inches and I really need to stop thinking about this in terms of weeks. I can’t really predict how long it’s going to take to hit my goal. I mean, I have a general idea of course, but I’m not exactly militant about this kind of stuff. I’m sure my running/gym partner back home would vehemently disagree with that statement, but she’s not here, so don’t listen to her.

Seriously, the success of a diet is in its ability to be blended into a lifestyle as something that can be maintained over the course of this thing we call “like, I have a life too, you know.” My life likes to include such things as pizza, booze, and the always present and alluring dessert, so I got some stuff to work around.

Yes, Mom, I heard you. “Everything in moderation…”

Forgive me if I don’t listen to everything that my Mother tells me. Not only is she a raging fan of Burpees, but she once told me that I was shaped like a sausage and then turned around and gave me a pair of leggings. Were those supposed to be like sausage casings?

Anyways, some people can make the seven days a week of dieting work for them, but I shudder to imagine staring down the gauntlet of a never relenting diet plan. It’s a pretty bleak outlook for me, bro. I’m more easily convinced to push my limits in the gym than I am in at the dinner table.

Self pep talk: I can be a good girl six days a week, if on Sunday I’m allowed to be bad.

What is good through Monday to Saturday?

1700 calories
107g protein
106g carbohydrates
66g fat

What is bad on Sunday?

I’d love to say whatever the hell I want, but I’m not a jacked dude, so my cheats have limits.

Today is Wednesday, so I just have three more days of very good diet behavior and then Sunday is low fat carbohydrate chow down. Can’t wait, I’m already dreaming of apple pie muffins.

Just call me muffin.

Or Kitten tits, whatever works for you.

Hello.

Greetings from San Francisco! I’ve displaced my Canadian, eh. May I have yours?

I cook, I work out, and I eat. And take photos. And sometimes write.

At the very least, I’m always thinking about ice cream.
It’s a sweet day dream, and I’m a believer.